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When a girl wants to bring her friend along on a date, it’s a form of bragging: Having that friend along will make it way easier to seal the deal with your girl, because like all girls, Filipinas’ opinions are in part dictated by their social group.

Make a good impression on the friend, you make an even impression on your girl.

I’m both enormously sick and hard at work trying to pull myself out of the huge pile of work I’m buried in, so here are some thoughts I’ve picked up on dating and smashing Filipino girls for the past month. Yes, in a good number of cases, all you need to do is show up and not be a weirdo to get the pussy.

But Filipinas are far from stupid; they’re cunning and have their own share of stupid head games they play.

a mall that is on the outskirts of town and would take me at least an hour-and-a-half to get to accounting for traffic.

While few Filipinos are 100 percent fluent in English, you can hold conversations with them easily provided you tone down your use of slang and ten-dollar words.

Why do you think the fertility rate is so high in this country? Not only are condoms here too small for the average white man (Filipinos being less endowed on average), wrapping it up is damn near required given the country’s laws. don’t have a child support extradition agreement—meaning if you knock a girl up, you can get off the hook by fleeing the country—I’m not fond of the idea of leaving my child to be raised in a Southeast Asian ghetto. The Philippines still values female modesty and chastity (at least in public), meaning that revealing outfits are a no-no for Filipino girls.

The Philippines is one of the few countries on Earth where abortion is illegal, thanks to the efforts of the Catholic Church, meaning a slip-up in the baby department means pain for you. The ones who wear them are girls who’ve spent some time outside the country and have absorbed some of the culture of wherever they went (read: they were riding the cock carousel until their labias turned blue).

For example, the first time a girl tried this on me, we had agreed to meet at a coffeeshop that was just up the street from my house in downtown Davao.

Not an hour before our date, after I’d already arrived at the mall where the shop was, I get a text from her asking if we can meet at this other mall that happens to be closer to her house…

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